A hello eventually leads to goodbye

Who knows, the hello will be better or the goodbye will be a regret .

Never try, you'll never know .

A couple years back when i said goodbye to a relationship, now i said hello to an unexpected about to blossom relationship . It all started as fun . Being coupled up with my colleague . Everyone started joining in, disturbing us whenever possible . I didn't take it seriously and when i thought am i feeling differently towards you, i told myself its not for real so i better get the situation right . Held back my feelings and continued having fun . Don't know if it's because of the jokes and disturbing that made us eventually developed feelings for each other .

Trying to avoid the topic but soon you decided to face your feelings and be frank . Frank but not exactly frank uh you . Dropping hints every now and then . All i do is to siam siam and siam . 

I'm scared . Scared what will be happening next . Scared what if i respond to your approaches, something bad might happen again . I don't want to fly up high and in the end drop fast back to ground . The pain, i can no longer handle it . It's too much for me .

Now, you openly let your feelings be known . To others and to me . No longer feeling shy but there's still a little me which is holding back due to fear . I feel safe but unsure . I want but i don't want . Yes yes yes . Oxymoron again . 

I can feel you're different . Maybe cause you are more mature ? Probably . Never did i develop feelings for someone this much older than me . Its a whole new experience for me . Afraid that i might make the wrong decision and regret . It will be too late isn't it ? But no matter how i think, i'm still unable to come to a decision . 

You're always there to convince me that it will be okay . What people say, it will be absorb and my own decision or should i say my thinking will be affected . I don't listen blindly either, just that whatever you say makes absolute sense . Gosh ! Dilemma . 

With dear Melissa and many others urging you on, seems like your pace will be faster ? Oh gosh . I'm still unsure . Should i accept or should i not ? It'll take ages for me to understand my own self .

I'm not a good girlfriend . I have a problematic family as you already know . I don't know if i can handle what follows after i make that decision . I wonder if i will make the right one .

Life has never been easy for me . Bad and good times, I've always faced them myself . Never did i dream i would find someone to walk through these times together with me . So i'm really glad you came into my life .


For now, shall just move on and let nature take it's course . Time and actions will show if we are meant to be one .