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Expectations - Marriage
Saturday, March 9, 2019 @ 11:30:00 PM | 0 Comment [s]
Have never felt so down and helpless due to needing to meet expectations of others.
What is getting married all about?
Isn't marriage about two individuals coming together and be together legally, buying our own place and having our own children?
Isn't getting together as simple as sharing every moments together be it happy or sad?
All i want now is just to ROM, get the certificate and at most, going to have a meal together with both families. Why is it getting so stressful now. Why bother if i will regret this when i'm older. I am happy to just get married to the one i love.
Why do i feel getting married is a chore now?
Yes, getting married isn't just about two individuals but also their family; their parents and their siblings. But ultimately, the marriage is about the two individuals joining together and welcoming the new chapter of life.
Why do one have to meet expectations of what the parents wants; what the parents want to have, what to do, where to host, how to do etc?
Don't the couple make the decision for this? Don't the couple pay for the whole thing? Isn't this event about the couple who decided to come together?
Yes, i'm not saying that parents is not part of this. We are the children. I'm just saying, don't the decision lies on the child? If the child doesn't want to have a wedding, as parents do you say 'No, you need to have a wedding'.
The event itself is tiring, expensive and totally not worth the effort. Why do we need to show people? Why do we need to follow traditions? Why do we even care how other people think?
As a father, if your daughter does not want to host a wedding, will you blame her? Will you tell her 'You need to host a wedding so i can walk you down the aisle' or 'I need to tell the world my daughter is getting married'. Who would remember?
[Just in case you are wondering. It's not my story, just a thought.]
[Also just a thought]
Another tradition i don't understand. How much betrothal money to give, yes it's up to the bride mum to say. But its between two families, why is there a need to give a big sum and return a significant amount just so that you can show off to people and say the in-laws gave this much and i gave back so much. How is this important?
Can't the couple make the decision? Why is it such a stressful thing when its just as easy as a signature.
Yes, we need to respect the elders. If we don't follow, we are labelled as unfilial. But don't we get deserve to be respected too?
You say you don't want to care so much and have no energy to bother so much. Then why the expectations, why the constant nagging and suggestions. Why the anger bursts.
Requesting me to stay over at his current place while waiting for the new house to be ready. Yes, i don't deny it will be a good-to-have experience but it's also okay not to isn't it? Why do you make it sound like i must go through that? Does it mean if friction happens I don't stay together with my in-laws? Does solving the hiccups first before moving house really that important? I'm still staying with them anyway.
If i don't want to have the traditional customs of the groom coming to the bride's house to fetch her = the bride is cheap and getting married too easily? What logic is this?
I'm really feeling so stress up and tired of this.
Might as well i don't get married. He say he can buy a flat next year already if he is single. I can also buy one when I'm 35. We will have two flats. Then so be it.
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